Great Goal

Just a quick link: Jonah Freedman (in his Sports illustrated 'Power Rankings" column) provided this clip from YouTube of this fantastic goal from the Roma game this week. I pass it on to you because of its sheer awesomeness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-8dJC7zNhg

The Majesty of Ray Hudson

Now that we have completed this round of the Champions League, we can settle once again into league football. There are two big matches this weekend, including the very, very big Real Madrid v. Barcelona game. (Care to guess who I’m picking in that one? No need to guess if you’ve been reading the column regularly.)

Anyway, I encourage all of you to watch the game as it will be a chance to watch two skilled teams compete in one of the most passionate and competitive derbies in the world. It will also provide the opportunity, just as we are provided two or three times every weekend, for us to listen to the surreal commentary of GOLTV’s lead color commentator, Ray Hudson.

Ray Hudson has been a figure in professional football for quite some time. He has played professional football in England and in the U.S. (for the old U.S. Soccer league) and has managed teams in the MLS, including D.C. United. Lately has been a color commentator, and as of now he can be found on GOL as part of the primary commentary team, usually paired with Lindsey Dean (who is actually pretty good).

I don’t even know where to start with Ray; he is an experience unto himself. At first his manner of commentating on a game is so strange, so startling, that you want to watch the match with the sound off. Soon, however, just like that crazy uncle you have, you start to like the old guy and soon after that can’t imagine life without him. As with many truly terrible sports announcers, eventually you get used to Ray and want him around. Although it can take a while.

Some of Ray Hudson’s, er, shall we say weaker traits as a commentator are most obvious when you first hear him call a game. Most obviously, he seems to me to be most interested only when a “big” team (like Barcelona or Real Madrid) or a “big” player (like Ronaldinho or Torres) is participating in the game he’s calling. Sometimes it seems, in fact, as if Ray has only a passing knowledge of the less famous teams and players in the games he’s calling. And frankly, he doesn’t seem to care.

Fair enough, perhaps. Ray seems to know his audience and seems to understand that most Americans tune into a Real Madrid game to see David Beckham, not Sergio Ramos. Still, the viewer needs to constantly remind himself that there are two teams playing in most of the games GOLTV televises, even if the announcers prefer to discuss only one.

Beyond the big names, Ray has his favorites, and readers should be prepared to listen to the constant praises of certain players, including Robinho and Lionel Messi. This is fine as well (The NFL broadcaster in the US have been pandering to the stars for decades) but there is little balance on GOLTV when one of the favorites plays poorly.

Although Ray Hudson isn’t afraid to provide negative commentary; it is, in fact, his ability to swing from the greatest compliments to the sharpest criticism (often times of the same player, and sometimes within a few seconds) that is among Ray’s most delightful personality quirks. Above all it is the ridiculously overstated compliments that make me smile. When someone on the field does something moderately impressive, like a nice stepover or a sharp pass, Ray starts screaming “magic!” at the top of his lungs, as if the player just repeated Diego Maradona’s famous slalom through the English defense at the ’86 World Cup.

But at the end of the day, what makes Ray Hudson so good (MAGIC! in fact) are the throwaway quotes he gives you during the game, the quotes that make up for all of the other nonsense. The internet site Wikipedia has a great entry on Ray Hudson, which can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Hudson. The site does a great job of collection the best of Ray Hudson’s game commentary, but I just wanted to share a few of the highlights here. Among the best:

"We had just strung like 17 passes together, beautiful silky soccer, and I turn around and see a guy yawning in the crowd. I wanted to jump over the fence and head-butt him."

"Congratulations, Seamus Malin -- you ugly man. Oh, come on, you didn't think he got (in the Soccer Hall of Fame) on his looks, did you?"

"Bruce Arena has to pick these boys up by their jockstraps and put lobsters in their jockstraps because they went down like flies against the Czech Republic, how humiliating to have that happen to a team that was coming out to the world scene seeking respect. What a joke!"

"Look at the angle. Look at the distance. That is absolutely exquisite. Dynamite finish. It's extraordinario! It's magnifico! When you see it again from this angle, it will take your breath away. It's postage-stamp delivery by a player that is as good going the other way defensively than he is going forward. You cannot give a higher compliment to an absolutely wonderful player who is at the absolute apex of his game! Look at that for confidence! That's world class! That's Zidane, beyond belief! That's an absolute exquisite footballer -- MVP, no question. Magnifico! Extraordinario! That should be in high definition! That wasn't just literature, that was Shakespearean beauty. Ah,God, I'm sorry, I love that guy. If I could love a man, I'd love Dwayne DeRosario!"

"Genius, genius, genius. Absolutely superb strike. And look, not a smile! What makes this guy smile? I mean, come on, Román, give us a look, give us a smile, baby. I mean, is there anything more exquisite in life than watching this man play football? Look at this! Perfection. [...] That is an orgasmic goal, Phil. We said he treats them like penalties -- that's what he does. Enjoy him while you can, enjoy him at the World Cup next year when he's wearing that beautiful blue and white shirt for Argentina. The man is magic."

"He needs to be on his tippy-toes, like a midget at a urinal."

"He's funner than a barrel of monkeys!"

"As electrifying as a hair dryer thrown into a hot tub, my friend. Absolutely breathtaking! It puts the Haitian Voodoo rattle on this one. When he finishes -- oh! Like Betamax, they do not make them like him anymore! What more can you say? An extraordinary goal by an extraordinary player! That will send these people into their dreams tonight thinking of heavenly things. Absolutely bamboozles his defender with this virtuoso goal ... Look at this, gets all of his angles right, sets it up for himself. Cygan is just a spectator, looks down at him and says, 'That's not human.' And it is not. It is superhuman." - November 2006, Barcelona versus Villareal, after Ronaldinho scored a spectacular overhead kick.

“Without penetration, it’s just masturbation, and right now, we’re playing with ourselves.”

"I'll give you two words, Sven...Goran...Eriksson." (Realizes his mistake and counts 1-2-3 with his fingers while rehearsing the name silently to himself while Lindsey Dean says, "Three words.")

I hope you enjoy the game this weekend, and also enjoy the sublime announcing of Ray Hudson.

The Prediction Business

In Monday’s column, I threw out an educated guess suggesting Inter and Chelsea would be playing in the Champions League final. I also suggested that Lyon would continue to do well in the tournament. Of course, Inter and Lyon were booted last night and Chelsea had to squeak by Porto (in a dreadful game, by the way.) The basic lesson is that you should ignore any predictions I make in the future.


I did enjoy yesterdays’ Barca-Liverpool game, however. Liverpool deserved to win, and played very well particularly in the first half. I was surprised Messi and Eto’o really had no effect at all on the game; credit Liverpool’s defense, I guess, but I do wonder if the Barca team will be broken up at the end of the season; there are rumors surrounding all three of their star players, and in truth they are not playing well together.

Today I am excited for three out of the four games: Real-Bayern, Celtic-Milan, and Manchester-Lille. I expect Manchester to pull it out with the goal advantage, and I am hoping Milan wins at home. The Real game is, perhaps, the toughest to predict: Real is a goal up but allowed two away goals to the Germans: It’s a tall task for any team, and Real really has been awful all season. It’s absolutely amazing that Beckham was “permanently” benched a few weeks ago, but he has now become so instrumental to Real’s success that his knee injury seems to have spelled doom for his club. Real is truly dysfunctional, and I predict they will loose tonight. However, you can see above what my predictions are worth. Enjoy today’s games.



Today’s games are:


2:30pm Arsenal vs PSV Eindhoven Setanta, UEFA

2:30pm Bayern Munich vs Real Madrid UEFA

2:30pm Manchester Unites vs Lille ESPN2, UEFA

2:45pm AC Milan vs Celtic Setanta, UEFA

5:00pm Bayern Munich vs Real Madrid ESPNCC, Setanta

Champions Games Today

Today features a big slate of games as the Champions League continues. I expect Chelsea to win today, as well as Lyon and Inter. The best match of the day should be, of course, Liverpool v. Barca. Liverpool is a goal up and scored two away goals. I keep waiting for Barca to turn it on, but they continue to struggle (by their standards, at least) both in Europe and in La Liga. I am hoping it is an entertaining, attacking match. I can’t see why it wouldn’t be. Today is the sort of day we are interested in football in the first place.

(Note: All games are broadcast on a pay-per-view basis on UEFA.com, if you do not receive the channels the games are televised on. I have never done the pay-per-view thing on UEFA, so I can’t say how it works. ESPN2 will show the Liverpool game live, followed by the Chelsea game on tape at 5:00 on ESPN classic. All times are EST.)

2:30pm Chelsea vs Porto Setanta USA, UEFA

2:30pm Liverpool vs Barcelona ESPN2, UEFA

2:30pm Lyon vs Roma UEFA

2:30pm Valencia vs Inter Milan ESPND, UEFA

5:00pm Chelsea vs FC Porto ESPNCC

A Little Non-Football News

One of my best friends, Tim Wilson, had a big day with his wife Becky today. At around 3:30 this morning they had a beautiful baby girl. Tim's website, which is sure to soon feature pictures of the little darlin', can be found here:

http://timbeckthree.blogspot.com/

Although I like to keep this blog about football, I think I can stay within bounds here: Tim's daughter will no doubt grow up not only to be a fan of the Boston Red Sox (poor thing) but may also grow up wearing the white and black stripes of Newcastle United. I guess that makes her twice cursed...

Congratulations to Tim, Becky, their extended families, and especially to their little girl!

Predictions, Predictions

This weekend, one of my readers asked me for my picks of who would win in Europe. (Thanks, “Soccerfan.”) Since “Soccerfan” is presumably one of the eight or nine people who actually read this column, I thought I would answer. “Soccerfan” wasn’t really clear in what he was asking: I presume he was asking about my picks as to who would win the Champions League, but I am also going to provide some quick thoughts on who will come away with the three major European leagues that I follow: England, Spain, and Italy.

Italy

The easiest work is done in Italy, where Inter is running away with the league. As of March 5 they have 70 points and are 16 points up on their nearest competitor. Only a fool wouldn’t pick them.

Much more intriguing is the race for the top four spots in the league, which grants the teams places in next year’s champion’s league. Inter obviously has their spot and Roma seems to have theirs as well. The final two could be Palermo, Lazio, or Empoli, but two of the most intriguing stories in football right now are AC Milan and Fiorentina as they fight for a Champions spot. Milan and Fiorentina, remember, started with major points penalties (8 and 15 points, respectively) and yet are threatening a top-four spot. My favorite club, Fiorentina, has been particularly impressive; without their penalty they would have 50 points and would be sitting pretty. Their utter destruction of Torino yesterday suggests they will not end the season without a serious fight.

England

This weekend Manchester United managed to squeak by Liverpool and remain 9 points up on Chelsea. While I agree with Jose Mourinho that the race is by no means over (Manchester still has to go to Chelsea) I am picking Manchester to win the league by a relatively close margin; perhaps three or four points. While both of the top two teams in England are relatively thin, Manchester has managed to create more depth due to the Henrik Larrson signing and the remarkable health of their team. Also, in spite of Didier Drogba’s fantastic year, I think Christiano Ronaldo is having the best season of any player in the world, and Manchester, I think, should be able to use him to keep their competitors at bay. Just think how good this team could be if Wayne Rooney played as well as his reputation.

I predict that the top four in England will be United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal. I also predict the sun shall rise tomorrow.

Spain

La Liga is, by far, the closest and most competitive league that I am following this year. Sevilla played a great match against Barca this weekend, beating them and taking over first place. In spite of this, I do believe that Barca will ultimately win the league; once they get Ronaldinho, Eto’o, and Messi back in form they seem to me they will be quite unstoppable, in spite of the team’s defensive deficiencies. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see Barca drop the ball, both as Real Madrid fan and as an admirer of beautiful football. Sevilla is a fun team to watch. I just think Barca is a better team than we have seen so far.

My top four in Spain is Barca, Sevilla, Valencia and Atletico Madrid. Real Madrid finishes fifth, misses the Champions League, fires Capello, signs two more big-name players (Franck Ribery for one, maybe) and starts over yet again. God, that’s depressing.

Champions League

This is probably the toughest league to predict, as there are literally six or seven teams good enough to win it. Thus, I am going to go out on a limb here: I predict the final will be…(drumroll please) Inter v. Chelsea. And I believe Inter will win it.

Strange prediction, I know. I don’t think Chelsea will win their domestic league, but because of this I do think Mourinho will pour everything he has into winning the Champions again before he leaves Chelsea. Inter, of course, has to get by a very tough Valencia team who scored two away goals in their first meeting two weeks ago. I do believe Inter will pull Tuesday’s match out, however, and I do believe they will go on to win the Champion’s league simply because the seem like the strongest and most complete team this year. If Inter has ever had a year of destiny, this is it.

Weekend Matches: March 3-4

This is shaping up to be one of those weeks where the old saying applies: “if you can’t find something to watch, you just don’t like football.” This weekend we have a very strong slate of games; some very important, and some very interesting, featuring fantastic players. Then we have a breather, and on Tuesday and Wednesday we have the second half of this round of the Champions League. More on Champions early next week.

The weekend starts off with a bang with Liverpool v. Manchester United, in a match that should be both important AND interesting. Most commentators feel if Manchester wins they essentially have the Premiership locked up. Liverpool, however, is hitting on all cylinders, and should make a game out of it. The other big, big Saturday match is Barca v. Sevilla; both teams play very attractive, attacking football, and now that Barca has all (or most) of their key guys back they should really start playing like the powerhouse that they are. Look for this to be a good one.

On Sunday, look for the pick of the litter to be Fiorentina v. Torino, a match featuring one of my favorite teams which also might be a good indicator of who might get that final Champions League spot in Italy.

It’s a big weekend for me personally, as some of my favorite teams are playing. I’ll watch Milan on tape Saturday night, followed by Fiorentina and Siena on Sunday and Real Madrid on Monday, again on delay. By then we will all be getting geared up for the Champions League and another great week of football. Enjoy.


Saturday

7:30am Liverpool vs Manchester United Setanta

9:30am Hertha Berlin vs Bayern Munich GolTv

10:00am Arsenal vs Reading Setanta

10:00am Newcastle vs Middlesbrough FSC

12:00pm Portsmouth vs Chelsea FSC

4:00pm Sevilla vs Barcelona GolTv

8:30pm Livorno vs Inter GolTv

10:30pm Milan vs Chievo Verona GolTv


Sunday

9:00am Fiorentina vs Torino GolTv

9:00am Lazio vs Sampdoria FSC

11:00am West Ham vs Tottenham FSC

11:00am Zaragoza vs Real Sociedad GolTv

1:00pm Catania vs Siena FSC

3:00pm Recreativo vs Atl. Madrid GolTv

5:00pm Boca Juniors vs San Lorenzo FSC


Monday

9:00pm Real Madrid vs Getafe GolTv